Why Women Don’t Respond to Online Messages: Insult Your Way to My Bed Part 1

Remember that time someone asked a favor of you and then insulted you behind your back? If you’re like me, your next thought probably included an obscene word followed by a vow to never help this person out. Offense and resentment can work similarly in the dating world, where an insult is the best way to end a date prematurely or to prevent one from being arranged. Continue reading to find out why women don’t respond to online messages.

Insulting Your Way to Her Heart… and Why Women Don’t Respond to Online Messages

I had begun a conversation with Anthony from Tinder. Although Tinder is known as “Grinder for straight folks”—aka a hookup app—I’ve found enjoyable conversations with men there, even when our desired outcomes differed. For the most part, some men who are interested only in hooking up are respectful or just end the conversation.

Well, Anthony and I began a fairly typical conversation with the “What do you do?” and “Tell me about your job” small talk. This led to a discussion about our plans for that specific day. No biggie right? Well, in the midst of this mundane conversation, Anthony asks, “Whatcha doing tonight?” Tonight being in the 10 o’clock hour after I had told him previously I was meeting friends for dinner. I can be forgiving of short-term memory and inability to scroll a few messages up. I repeated my prior plans of dinner and my current plan of reading in bed. The following is typed exactly as it was in our online conversation.

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Why Women Don’t Respond To Online Messages: Introduction

Reasons Why Women Don't Respond to Online MessagesIn my practice, and in life in general, I’ve often heard men complain women don’t respond to online messages or women not engaging in conversation. I wondered if men realized how their female counterparts experience online ‘courtship’ rituals. With my most recent online and app dating experience, I decided I would start a series of posts sharing a few reasons why women don’t respond to online messages. You’ll also find strategies for communication and online correspondence that might lead to more online dating successes.

First and Foremost, Read Her Profile

Sometimes men are inclined to send replies to women without first reading their profiles. While this impulse seems to take advantage of the ‘low risk, low commitment’ culture of online dating, it communicates something different to the recipient, especially women: you aren’t interested in the profile she took the time and consideration to ‘put out there’, only in her picture. The first order of business is to read the potential match’s profile. If you’re interested, send a thought-provoking and conversation-starting message about something you found interesting, want to know more about, or share in common. For instance, my profile clearly asks for men to send more than just a “hey” or “what’s up,” as I’m more likely to respond when I see that someone is showing interest in me and has taken the time to read what I had to say.

Reasons Why Women Don't Respond to Online Messages

The Longer the Better

Another good rule of thumb is to send a message like you would an e-mail. Raise your hand if you just e-mail a person with “Hey,” and nothing else. I hope no one raised a hand. I realize that many online dating sites now allow instant messaging, though not everyone uses the feature or has time to constantly check messages from potential matches. Longer, more conversational messages get the dialogue going faster than a volley of “hey” and “how are you” that could spread across several days. Also, for many people, it can be as awkward to respond to a non-commital “hey.” Craft a response that pays genuine attention to a person’s profile. When you do the latter, you signal that you value reciprocity, easing the inevitable first-message tensions and increasing your likelihood of getting a reply.

 

 

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Reasons Why Women Don't Respond to Online Messages