Waves of Pleasure: Lelo’s INA Wave Reviewed

My first thought when seeing INA Wave was, “Oh my gosh! It’s like getting fingered but without fingernails!” When Lelo provided an opportunity for me to test this product, I jumped on it like a cat pouncing a mouse! I am so glad I agreed, as this toy does not disappoint.

Soft and Smooth Fingers

As with most Lelo products, the first thing you notice about INA Wave is the soft and slick material. The material is body safe silicon for a more enjoyable experience and easier penetration. However, if extra lubricant is needed, avoid silicon-based lubricant as this could damage the silicon material of the product.

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Courtesy Lelo.com

Next, you’ll notice the “two heads” with the smaller one resembling a thumb and the larger and longer one resembling fingers fused together. Lelo.com describes these as the “pleasure points.” The shorter, thumb-like structure stimulates the clitoris while the larger structure provides internal stimulation. I’m going to let this sink in for a moment…yes, ladies and gents, Ina Wave can simultaneously can provide dual stimulation without the awkward adjusting your hand for the best fit or forgetting to rub one spot while trying to focus on the other!

 

Again, let that sink in for a minute before continuing to read…

INA Who…?

Now that you’re all excited to purchase INA, get her charged up, and test her out, here are some tips for a pleasurable first experience. INA Wave offers ten different vibration modes a including steady patterns and pulsating patterns. INA Wave also allows you to control the intensity of the vibration as well. Before jumping into bed or closing your office door at work, check out the “control” panel located on the inside of the handle. The up and down buttons change the vibration pattern while the left and right buttons change the intensity. Also, note that the vibration patterns do not cycle through at the first or tenth pattern. If you start at the bottom and reach the top, you must use the arrows to go back to the bottom. I learned this after about five minutes of laying going “why doesn’t it feel like it’s changing?” Well, it wasn’t changing that’s why!

Instant Orgasm

Whether you’re an orgasm expert or not, Ina Wave will not disappoint! The variety of vibration patterns and intensity levels allow you to explore and experience different types of orgasm from a slow build to an intense explosion. For women learning about orgasm and your erogenous zones, the steady vibration patterns, without the use of the wave motion, are a great place to start! You can begin to explore erogenous zones of the external genitalia (or any other part of your body!) to see what areas are more arousing and lead to orgasm than others. If you’re exploring your body with a partner, they can help by allowing you to focus on yourself while they control the movement and vibrations. These patterns can help bring on a slower climax or orgasm as well as help you gain control of your orgasmic release.

LELO_Serving-Suggestions-Single_03_cerise
C0urtesy Lelo.com

Another orgasm, courtesy of INA Wave, is an intense, explosive orgasm. I suggest inserting Ina on a steady vibration pattern and playing around a little here. Keep in mind that the clitoral pleasure point will be touching the clitoris though the vibration may feel more or less intense depending on the pattern selected. (Keep reading for more about the clitoral pleasure point.) Once inserted, play around with the steady vibration patterns and intensity levels. Once you’re at a climatic point, adjust the patterns to move into the wave motion pattern and BAM! Your body and brain might not be used to such an intense change leading to a more explosive orgasm. This might not happen all the time though it could occur more often with partner play when your partner controls the patterns and speed.

Waving into the G-Spot

Speaking of the wave motion, this technology not only enhances your overall orgasm, but also stimulates the elusive G-spot. One reason I was excited to take Ina Wave for spin was to test out the G-spot. The G-spot is said to be an erogenous zone on the anterior wall of the vagina and near the urethra. However, it is still up for debate on whether this tiny spot exists or not. Therefore, I try to encourage men and women to enjoy ALL aspects of the female body and not become focused on a spot that might or might not exist for some or all women.

GSpot (alluremedicalspa.com)
Courtesy of alluremedicalspa.com

After discussion with one of my favorite women’s sexual health professionals, we determined that it is possible INA Wave could hit the possible G-spot. At one point, the wave motion stimulated a spot where I felt an intense and tightening pressure near my urethra. I felt a sensation as if I needed to pee though my bladder was empty and I did not actually pee. This orgasm was also more intense and stronger though not explosive. I was also able to control the climax better than the former.

Quiet Zone Not Approved

As with all wonderful things that exist, nothing is perfect including INA Wave. If you were hoping to sneak around with Ina for some fun at the library, the parent’s house, or in the mile high club, do so at your own risk! The back and forth motion of the wave technology also comes with a squeaky sound that you need covers to muffle. During play, the sound could be slightly distracting though the vibrations, wave motion, and your arousal will easily distract.

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Courtesy Lelo.com

Another minor concern with INA Wave is the clitoral pleasure point. At times, it put extra pressure on the clitoris and mons pubis. Since the clitoral pleasure point extension has limited flexibility, it took some adjustment to find a comfortable spot. Also keep in mind that the extra pressure with vibration could cause extra stimulation on the clitoris. For some, this may be extra pleasure though for others it could be uncomfortable. I did find that moving INA Wave in and out or up and down allowed for adjustment of the clitoral stimulator. Don’t let this be a deal breaker! If you want the pleasure of the wave motion though can forego the clitoral stimulation, check out Mona Wave! Mona Wave is just like Ina Wave though without the clitoral pleasure point and slightly different vibration patterns.

Ready to add a new friend to your bedroom play? You can purchase Ina Wave here or Mona Wave here.

To Masturbate or Not to Masturbate…

The on going battle between the sexes is masturbation…the new “leaving the seat up or down” fight. Many clients schedule appointments over “sex addiction” and then reveal one partner’s desire for self-pleasure and the other partner’s dissatisfaction with this behavior.

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Image courtesy of stockimages at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Well, ladies and gents, I’m here to help relieve the anxiety and fighting. First, masturbation is a healthy and normal behavior for both men and women. It is unclear at exactly what age masturbation begins though reports show male babies touching their genitals in the womb and all babies showing interest with “what’s down there” while infants and toddlers. Although our genitals main function is for reproduction, stimulation of the genital or genital areas (including the anus) can create a soothing or calming sensation. Some cultures rub babies genitals in order to calm them while other cultures rub a baby’s butt to calm them. Therefore, we learn from an early age that “what’s down there” feels good. However, as we grow and show more interest in our genitals, we are often scolded and begin to associate our genitals with shame or stigma.

At what age does one begin to masturbate? There is no clear answer since very few studies report on infancy and early childhood sexual development and behaviors. However, The National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior (NSSHB) studied males and females from ages 14-70+ regarding a range of sexual behaviors including solo masturbation and

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Image courtesy of stockimages at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

masturbation with a partner. In this study, 62% of males ages 14-15 reported masturbating. Male masturbation rate increased until age 40 when the rate began to decrease again…though not by much compared to females. The study also revealed that 40% of females ages 14-15 reported masturbating with slight increases until age 30-39 when the female masturbation rate begins to decrease. This study also shows that males are more likely to masturbate with a partner than females and the percentages are much lower than solo masturbation.

 

Why Masturbation becomes the Enemy

Many societies create negative connotations around masturbation. We learn it is a “dirty” activity for “horny boys.” Girls receive messages that masturbation or touching their genitals is “not lady like,” and sexual play is for marriage or only with a partner. Therefore, our brains are embedded with messages that men can masturbate until they have a partner, and women have no need for masturbation or sexual pleasure without a partner. Once two people couple up, there is this expectation that the male will completely cease masturbation, only masturbate seldom, or masturbate when his partner is not available. Many women will also internalize a sense of worthlessness if her partner masturbates instead of seeks her out for sex. However, masturbation and intercourse are two different activities just like fried chicken is different from sushi. I enjoy both fried chicken and sushi and would hate if a new partner told me I couldn’t eat either or both anymore.

Jokes aside, it is acceptable for women to feel disappointment if her mate pleasures himself and she was hoping for playtime with him. This is not masturbation’s fault though a lack of communication about each other’s needs. Going back to my food analogy, remember that your partner engaged in activities (including masturbation) prior to your relationship just like you both probably ate fried chicken and sushi before the relationship. Instead of asking your partner to completely eliminate an enjoyable activity, let’s look at how masturbation can benefit your health and relationship.

 

Benefits of Masturbation

1. Stress relief: One of the biggest benefits of masturbation is alleviating stress through the release of endorphins or the “happy” chemical.” This applies to both men and women.

2. Self exploration: Masturbation also always men and women to explore their bodies and learn new erogenous zones. Erogenous zones are areas of our body that increase sexual arousal. Since all bodies are not alike, what stimulates one person may not even affect another person. Therefore, I encourage clients to use masturbation as a time to learn about their own bodies in order to teach your partner. Just like women are encouraged to perform at home breast exams, masturbation can also help you find possible medical concerns such as a new lump or tender spot.

3. Improve erectile dysfunction (ED): Like many other body parts, the penis can atrophy if not used. Many men seek therapy reporting difficulty obtaining or maintaining erection. More times than not, they report lack of sexual intercourse and minimal masturbation. Once we discuss the function of the penis, I encourage increasing masturbation and men report a significant difference in ability to obtain and maintain erection. Masturbation also helps with premature ejaculation. The longer a man goes without sex, the quicker he may ejaculate due to the renewal of stimulation and pleasure with arousal. He may also feel a

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Image courtesy of imagerymajestic at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

loss of control with less frequent orgasms whether with masturbation or intercourse. Although this could be a one-time instance, anxiety could arise exacerbating further sexual encounters. Therefore, masturbation allows a man to maintain a sense of control and prolong ejaculation.

4. Less boring sex with partner: Masturbation is a form of sexual behavior and activity. Although many people associate it as an “alone time” activity, partner masturbation can be extremely fun and erotic for some individuals or couples. Partner masturbation could be oral sex on your partner or stimulating yourself with your partner present. Couples can also introduce sex toys for added fun and to help prolong your playtime session together. Sex toys can do the work while you rest and get ready for the next round. Many clients complain about either their sex life entering a rut or not being aroused before intercourse. Partner masturbation not only spices things up, but can help prepare both partners for intercourse (if you so choose to add this into your masturbation session). Orgasms are beneficial for women as it can relax the vaginal muscles to prevent tightness upon entry. Masturbation can also help the penis become fully erect by helping pull blood into the penis.

 

Interested in adding masturbation into your sexual play script? Click the the toys below to get the party started!

 

Ora       Fleshlight Go Torque combo

Introducing HRH Duchess of Tantus: A Tantus Review

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Now that you’re done reading about Alan and all his glory, let’s take a look at Duchess. When Tantus asked which toy I wanted to review next, I admit I had an “Oh look! Shiny object!” moment. Although Duchess isn’t shiny, she/he is very pretty coming in one of three colors: blue, purple, or pink.

Royalty Comes in Many Colorsduchess-group_shopify_1024x1024

I bet you missed the part about option of colors as you’re wondering about the “she/he” reference to a vibrating DILDO. Duchess’ description does not indicate gender pronoun preference. Some may automatically think that a phallic shaped object is automatically considered male. Some may think that an object named “Duchess” is automatically female. We may never know if Duchess identifies as male or female, though what I can tell you is Duchess isn’t for the faint of heart! From here on, Duchess will just be known as HRH.

For Royalty, Size Does Matter

Measuring at 6.5 inches long with a diameter shaft of 1.6”, Duchess gains a little girth fullsizerenderaround the head measuring in at 1.8”. If you’re looking for a snugger fit than Alan, the HRH is your toy. Duchess is part of the O2 Dual Density line though of the non-realistic colors hence the blue, purple, pink color options. Duchess is made of 100% silicone with a soft exterior and firm inner core (no little blue pill needed with this one!).

If you’re chomping at the bit to test HRH out, I do
recommend lube to assist with penetration and prevfullsizerender-1ent any tears or sores. (Check out AloeCadabra on th
e Let’s Talk Sex Shop page). Finally, as I advised ladies with Alan, Duchess is a goal toy once vaginal pain or vaginismus is resolved. If you’re looking for skinnier girth or shorter length, Duchess is not advisable either. No worries! It’s a tough job toy reviewing though I’m on a mission to find toys for everyone.

No Chambermaids Needed

Dtantus-bulletuchess also comes with a bullet vibe to add a little extra thrill. HRH is also suction cup compatible though this is not included as it is with Alan. If you’re looking to buy a suction cup, you can find those here. Duchess is also anal safe and harness compatible.  tantus-suction-cup

 

Too tired after play to properly clean your toys? In addition to toy cleaner, Duchess is also dishwasher and boiling compatible! Pop HRH in the dishwasher or boil in a pot of water for easy clean up. Please remember to remove Duchess from the boiling pot before hubby arrives home to prevent an unintended ER trip after he passes out…

 

Find the HRH and other great toys here!

Getting to Know Alan in Bed: A Tantus Review

If you listen to the Let’s Talk Sex Podcast then you know my respect for Tantus, one of the adult toy companies I support. I support this company for a number of reasons including the company began from the inspiration of a woman and it offers high quality and body safe toys. Although I support companies where men have created wonderful toys for women, a man just doesn’t know what it’s like to have an object all up in your female space. A lot of times, there is focus on a man’s pleasure and enjoyment inside the woman. Well, it seems to me that Tantus turned that around and focused on how a woman can receive pleasure and enjoyment with a variety of penile options for play.

Different Strokes for Different Folks

Tantus offers a toy for everyone’s desire, needs, wants, and experimentation. If you like it tantus-alan-colorsslim, they have it. If you like it long, they have it. If you like it thick, they got that too. If you like uncut, yep, that one too. Tantus also offers a variety of colors. From purple, pink, and blue and even REALISTIC in three different skin tones. Speaking of those skin tones, these toys (as well as few non realistic options) even FEEL like the real thing minus actual blood flow and body heat (though I wouldn’t be surprised if a adding a warming component was in the works!).

Your Next Boy Toy

I had the opportunity to test out the original realistic toy, Alan (Did I forget to mention they even have realistic names too?). Alan is part of the O2 Density line or the line created to provide the most realistic feel of an adult toy. This line is made of the high quality, body safe silicone as the rest of the product line. I describe Alan as a 4 in 1 toy. Alan can be used as a regular dildo or he becomes a vibrator with the easy insertion of a bullet. Did I mention the bullet is included witalan-vibeh purchase?? Alan is also harness compatible for partner play. Don’t have a partner and want to enjoy solo play without doing all the work? Alan is suction cup compatible, which is also included with purchase! Did I mention Alan is also waterproof so that suction cup goes a long way? Yes, you get your bang for your buck with Alan!

In terms of size, I describe Alan as slightly above average for the American male. The average size penis of the American male is around 6 inches. Alan comes in at 6.5 inches long with a 1.54 diameter. I’d say Alan is not too slim though not too thick and offers a nice, secure fit. Ladies, if you are currently experiencing vaginal tightness or any vaginismus, I recommend a smaller diameter toy until you can work up to Alan’s pleasure.

 

Interested in checking Alan out? You can find him on the Shop page of my website or click here. All purchases through the shop page support the production of the Let’s Talk Sex Podcast where you can here me talk about more product reviews.

What You REALLY Need to Know about Sex Positions!

As a sex therapist, I’m always asked about sex positions. I also provide feedback for clients who may be engaging in positions not appropriate for comfort and well being of one or both partners.  In this post we will explore positions and their benefits.  For those readers who are visual learners, Carvaka Sex Toys created an infograph to better visual these and many more positions.

The G What?!?!

One position, and a very popular position for some couples, is the “G Whiz.” This position carvaka-the_countertopwill be described using a heterosexual couple, though this can be tried by a female couple with a strap on. The female partner lies on a platform that is hip height to her male partner. The male is standing facing her while positioning her legs over his shoulders.   Named for the G-Spot, this position allows for maximum g-spot stimulation increasing chance of female, internal orgasm.  Men particularly like this position as they can get a deeper feel and thrust. The “
G Whiz” also gives men more control over thrusting and therefore is not recommended for women who need to control the speed and depth of thrusting. Dr. Shelley DiCecco, PT, PhD, CLT-LANA with The Sports Rehabilitation Center based in Atlanta – and a very special guest on my “Let’s Talk Sex” podcast – advises women and men, especially those with pelvic or hip concerns, to avoid having legs over their partner’s shoulders.  Dr. Shelley shares that this position increases “the rotation on the pelvis bones, the iliums, and increases the curve/pressure on the low back.” She also states the “G Whiz” increases the shearing or rotational stress on the iliums which can cause or increase pain. A person with low back or disc problems may have increased pain in the back and down into the legs, the Sciatica, with both legs and/or one leg over a partner’s shoulder.” Dr. Shelley also states the “G Whiz” can “increase the pain experienced internally by the female partner…” Dr. Shelley and I both recommend that if you or your partner experience any pain during sex, an evaluation from a physical therapist or other doctor is needed to rule out any medical conditions. For those who particularly enjoy the “G Whiz”, don’t give it up yet! Try legs around your partner’s waist as this gives a similar feel for the male though is better for women’s pelvis, hips, and back.

Here Kitty Kitty…

If you are looking for a position where the woman has more control with more pleasure, carvaka-coital_alignment_techniquecarvaka-coital_alignment_technique
check out the CAT (Coital Alignment Technique).
According to Men’s Health and the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy, the CAT increases female orgasm by 56%! The position is similar to traditional missionary position, though the man positions his chest near the woman’s shoulder instead of face to face as with missionary.  This position can also work for both a heterosexual couple or female couple with a strap on. First, both partners position themselves into a standard missionary with woman lying on her back and the man on top. If two women try this position, the partner with the strap-on is on top. Now, the man or top partner will move his/her body slightly to one side so you are no longer face-to-face and your partner’s chest is aligned with your shoulder. The thrusting motion is the other factor for this position to increase female pleasure. Instead of thrusting in and out, the male/top partner will thrust up and down. Imagine thrusting from floor to ceiling instead of headboard to footboard. This allows for more stimulation of the clit with the up and down movement. Due to the change in body alignment and thrusting movement,   I recommend trying this position slowly, at first, to prevent injury.

Would You Like a Cherry on Top?

Another position to increase female pleasure and control is the Banana Split, also called the Scissors or Sideways Straddle. I like the name Banana Split best! This position can be performed with a heterosexual or  female couple using a strap on. Other than sounding
delicious, this position allows the female or top partner more control over speed and depth. According to Dr. Shelley, “Women with pelvic pain can experience pain with initial carvaka-the_seated_scissorspenetration, pain with deep penetration, and/or pain for one or more hours post intercourse. The pain can be in one or more of the following areas: the vagina or genital area, in the low back, in the buttocks, at the sacroiliac joint, or she may also experience a pressure symptom across the abdomen… By controlling speed and depth, the woman can minimize the pain experienced during intercourse.”  The Banana Split also allows for more grinding action and the use of the male or top partner’s thigh to stimulate the clit. To get into this position,
the male or top partner lies on his or her back with feet flat on the bed or other supportive surface. The female or bottom partner positions herself facing away from her partner’s face while straddling her partner’s thigh with one leg between his legs and the other leg on the outside. If the male or bottom partner is an “ass man or woman,” this position allows for a great rear view!

This Isn’t Child’s Play…

Finally, if you and your partner are adventurous and in good physical shape, check out the Wheelbarrow.  This position is just like the game we played in elementary school except carvaka-the_standing_wheelbarrowour clothes are now off!  The male partner enters from the rear while holding the female’s legs, and the female uses upper body and core strength to stabilize. This position allows the male more thrusting control so communication about comfort level is encouraged between partners.  If watching yourself is enjoyable, the male also has a better view of himself entering his partner.  When trying this position for the first time, I encourage a practice round with clothes on to prevent injury. As this position needs a strong upper body and core strength for the female partner, please consult with a medical provider.  

To find out more about these and other positions as well as Dr. Shelley’s advice, take a listen to the Let’s Talk Sex podcast episodes 5 and 14!  If you are in the Atlanta area and experiencing painful intercourse, click here to schedule with Dr. Shelley or her associates. Interested in learning more about Strap On play? Check out this great infograph from our friends over the pond at CarVaka Sex Toys.

Running Out of Steam in Bed? Tips to Build Endurance in the Bedroom

 

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Endurance is the ability to exert oneself over a long period of time without fatigue, as well as recover from the exertion without injury or trauma. Endurance is important in all areas of life; it also benefits our sexual activity by allowing us to engage in longer, injury free sexual acts or “running out of steam” before we choose to end sexual activity. When we can’t endure a longer sexual session with our partner, we could develop feelings of guilt or shame from thoughts such as “I am not good enough,” “Other people are better than me,” or “I’ll never be able to last longer.”

 

How Much vs. How Often  

Before we talk about “lasting longer in bed,” we first need to understand and feel satisfied with “quality over quantity.” As a sex positive therapist, I help clients reframID-100112062.jpge negative thoughts to promote positive feelings and self esteem.  There are times when a “wham bam thank you ma’am (or sir)” is all we need to get a boost of enery or relaxation. Understanding “do I want to last long?” versus “do I want to get off quickly” h
elps create a positive mindset going into the bedroom. We also need to communicate this to our partner so we’re both in agreement about expectations.

 

The Green Light to GO and How to Get There!

Secondly, I encourage collaboration with other healthcare providers to ensure individuals are healthy enough to increase any physical activity including sex. Sexual activity falls into the category of exercise including cardio and strength training movements. Therefore, changing current physical activity could create or exacerbate current medical conditions including pulled muscles or heart conditions. Allowing communication between all of your healthcare providers improves your chances of progressing instead of regressing in your goal to increase endurance.

Since sexual activity is physical exercise, we also need to prep our muscles before sex and allow recovery time after sexual activity. In other words, we need to warm up our whole body including the vagina and penis. A sensual massage that will help blood flow in the muscles is a great warm up activity and also builds intimacy between partners. Orgasms and vaginal stimulation also decreases tightness and helps relax muscles before penetration. This is particularly important for women with a history of vaginismus. Finally, make sure you have a great lube on hand! Lack of lubrication can cause pain or injury resulting in possible future vaginal pain or longer periods of healing time between sexual activity sessions. Courtney recommends a variety of lubes including AloeCadabra, which is also safe for toys. Check out the product at www.AloeCadabra.com and enter AFGETER at checkout to save 25% and get free shipping!

 

ID-10044290.jpgCool down or recovery time is also important for muscle recovery. Your sexual positions will determine the type of stretches used after sex. I recommend talking to your physical therapist or personal trainer to create a routine for you and your partner. This is another great time to build intimacy and communicate with your partner about the sex while. Skipping the warm-up and cool down parts could create injury during sexual activity and delay increasing endurance.

A final tip is rest and sleep. When one is already fatigued from a busy day or lack of sleep, longer endurance may be an unreasonable expectation. Due to busy lives and unexpected events, we can’t predict when we might loose energy. However, we can understand that longer sexual activity may not occur or be a reasonable expectation after a 10-hour work day plus taking care of children though it may be more reasonable after 8 hours of sleep and before getting ready for your day. In regards to rest and recovery for your body, if you go to the gym after work, a long sex session that night may be unreasonable and potentially unhealthy as you’ve already exerted energy and fatigued your muscles. Plan longer sex sessions during times you are physically and emotionally well rested.

 

Don’t forget to check out AloeCadabra.com for a natural, water-based lube that is safe for silicone toys. When checking out, use code AFGETER to save 25% and receive FREE shipping! Stock up on all flavors to get a bang for your buck!

 

Photo 1 Credit: Unsplash.com- Krista Mangulsone
Photo 2 credit: marin at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Photo 3 credit: Ambro at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

How My Iroha Tori Almost Gave Me a Heart Attack

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You know that one time when you think your new, favorite toy is out of juice then suddenly a loud, vibrating noise wakes you from a dead sleep?  Yup, my Iroha Tori came to life while sitting on my bedside table. I guess it wasn’t done playing with me just yet!

Gem-Tastic!

Thanks to Liberator, I came in possession of a Tori vibrator from Iroha. I’m compelled to
write a review about my experiences with it so far. First, the one thing you will notice
about this little gem is its unique shape. It resembles a bird. In fact, the Tori does not even look like a sexual pleasure device. Instead, it looks more like a unique décor piece! That gives new meaning to coffee table conversation.

True or False?

So, why does it look like a bird? I cannot speak for the designers who make Iroha, though I once heard vibrators and dildos are illegal in some Asian countries. However, here’s the loophole. A product cannot be classified as an adult toy especially if it looks like another object such as an animal or flower. Again, this is all word-of-mouth though it seems congruent with our little bird. In fact, other Iroha designs resemble a seashell or a whale.

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The Little Birdy Whispered

Next, you’ll notice the texture and feel of our little bird. Some days, just holding it in my hand puts me in a good mood! The body-safe silicone and smooth edges feel great all over the body. There aren’t any jagged or rough edges to cause injury to the delicate vaginal areas. Iroha makes a variety of toy styles. The “Tori” has two slightly pointed, though smooth ends. I have not experienced trouble with the ends. Although I advise caution when first exploring your body to prevent any injury. In fact, this product is not meant for vaginal insertion, but it can be used end near the vaginal opening for that added extra pleasure.

Buzz, Buzz

This toy has various levels of vibration. It goes from a soft buzz to an intense vibration to a pulsating vibe. One can start out slow and soft and move into more intense feel or start out with a bang with the highest intensity.  The control buttons are also easy to access during self-play. They are just underneath the Tori. It’s great placement because you don’t lose focus changing the speeds. Alternating between the levels can add to the variety of options during play. This can let women prolong orgasm and experience different lengths and intensity of orgasm.

3Rub-a-Dub-Dub

The body-safe, silicone is also waterproof. Yes, readers, I’ve tested this feature and it IS waterproof! Now, you don’t have any excuse for expanding our sexual horizons either with yourself or partner in the shower. Jump on in there with your mate or schedule “me” time with yourself in the tub.

Slip and Slide

Speaking of silicone, keep in mind the type of lubricant you are using with your toys. A silicone-based lubricant can degrade silicone and make the toy unsafe. Therefore, I recommend a water-based, aloe-based, or other “toy safe” lubricant. One such recommendation is AloeCadabra. They have a huge selection of lubes which feature different smells and tastes. When making your purchase, enter promo code AFGETER for 25% off and free shipping!

Too Hot to Handle

Here are a few pro and cons of the Iroha Tori. The first night I “researched” my little gem, the motor cut off after 15 minutes of play. Apparently, it has a “kill man’s” switch to prevent overheating. GREAT feature to expand the lifespan, though disappointing when you are not done playing!  I suggest having another toy, perhaps a different version of the Iroha, on hand as an alternative. This gives you another option while playing with yourself or partner until the motor cools.

5A Must-Add

By the way, it takes about 15 minutes to cool as I found out in bed that night. Now, I do not know if Iroha intended this feature of the safety cut off. But the added heat adds another element of satisfaction to play as well.  With all that said, the Tenga Iroha is a great addition to any woman or couples “toy box.” Although designed as a solo toy for self-pleasure, a partner can also use the story to add stimulation during oral sex.  For instance, while a partner is stimulating the clitoris during oral sex, he/she could use the Iroha around the clitoris such has on the mons pubis, vaginal opening, or on the breasts.

Enjoy your new toy and I look forward to my next review!

5 Ways to Improve Your College Dating Experience — Sex and Relationship Therapist

Photo Credit: Stuart Miles from FreeDigitalPhotos.net It’s that time of year again! Yes, if you are from the south, it is college football season though I’m referring to the fact that college is back in session too. I reflected on my college dating experience and what advice would have helped me back in my college […]

via 5 Ways to Improve Your College Dating Experience — Sex and Relationship Therapist

5 Ways to Improve Your College Dating Experience

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Photo Credit: Stuart Miles from FreeDigitalPhotos.net

 

It’s that time of year again! Yes, if you are from the south, it is college football season though I’m referring to the fact that college is back in session too. I reflected on my college dating experience and what advice would have helped me back in my college days. I decided to give you five tips to start your college dating experience off on the right side of the bunk bed:

 

  1. Create your “bucket list” of traits in partner. Instead of looking at what you don’t want in partner, start looking for what you DO want in partner. Be specific with your list as well! Instead saying, “likes sports,” think about more specific sports that interest you and you would like to share with a partner. I always suggest creating at least five non-negotiable items or items you won’t budge on at all.

 

  1. Be honest and direct with your date. Lying might work in the short term, though it tends to fail in the long term. If you know a date does not meet a non-negotiable item, create conversation to determine if future dating is reasonable. If not, explore the option of friendship. Just because that person isn’t a match, doesn’t mean he/she might not have a friend…

 

  1. When online dating, practice mindfulness of your grammar in your writing. Using too many slang words, over use of abbreviations, and too much poor sentence structure could determine if a potential match writes back to you! Your dating site writing doesn’t have to get you an A+ in Lit, though you want to let this person know you did pay some attention in class!

 

  1. Never turn down a date unless there are noticeable “red flags” that could jeopardize your safety. Agreeing to a date allows you to meet other people, gets you away from studying, and might end up as a relationship! If you can’t say “yes” to a suggested time and place, decline with an alternative option to show you are interested in meeting this person

 

  1. This one is for the ladies. As long as there isn’t an agreed exclusive relationship, don’t be afraid to date more than one person at a time. Many women receive messages that dating more than one partner is shameful and she is label as a “whore” or “slut.” We live in a modern world, ladies! You are not a whore or slut if you decide to go out with more than one potential date at a time. You aren’t even a whore or slut if you choose to become sexual with more than one partner at a time. I do advise protection against STIs and birth control as well as communication with your sex partners so he/she can decide if becoming sexual is a good decision for them.

 

  1. This one is for the men. Guys, chivalry is not dead! It is respectful to open the door for another person or offer to refill his/her drink. It also shows respect when you offer to pay for the meal. If your partner seems concerns with your actions, be up front about your intentions to show respect and you are not expecting anything more.

 

Happy dating and enjoy college!

You Want an Open Relationship, Eh? How a Sex Therapist can Help You

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The other day, a good friend of mine sent a message asking for resources on how to create a swinging relationship. Of course, I told her to check out my podcast on creating a couple’s contract! We then discussed how I help couples open their relationship or address conflict in an already opened relationship. Then, it hit me, “Courtney, you need to a podcast on this topic!” If you have heard my podcast on open relationships, then here are the main points we covered. If you have not heard the podcast, follow these steps:

  1. Open up another browser window and keep THIS window open too.
  2. Type http://www.sexandrelationshiptherapist.com/podcast.html
  3. Press “play” on Episode 9 and take a listen!

As mentioned in the podcast, your first session is part of the “assessment phase” where we review the consent forms, structure of therapy, my role in your therapy, and prior and current medical and mental health history as well as a sexual history. In regards to my role as your therapist, it is important to remember I am there to facilitate conversation and provide tools such as communication skills and conflict management. As a trained psychotherapist, I can also help resolve current or past core issues creating a disturbance or dysfunction in the relationship. My role as your therapist is NOT to tell you what or what not to do, though I will provide recommendations and honest feedback regarding your decisions.

At some point during the assessment phase, I explore with my client(s) the “presenting problem” or reason for seeking therapy. I don’t like the word “problem” as this references therapy is only for negative reasons or someone has a current problem. Therapy can be sought for many reasons including talking out thoughts or getting an unbiased opinion. During this conversation, the following or similar questions or discussions may arise:

  1. “What brings you in today?”
  2. “How did you both decide to open your relationship?”
  3. “Have you discussed the parameters and boundaries and what type of open relationship you both want?”
  4. “Have either of you been in an open relationship? Tell me about that experience including what satisfied you and what did not satisfy you.”
  5. “Have you already opened this relationship?” This question is followed up with conversation on the experience if the answer is “yes,” and exploring reasons for waiting if the answer is “no”.

During the assessment phase and as part of on going therapy, we also talk about your current relationship including any current or unresolved conflict, conflict resolution skills, communication skills, and trust/honesty in the relationship. A strong foundation in the primary relationship improves the success of opening a relationship. Many times, opening relationships as a resolution to a current conflict does not provide a positive outcome or experience. Similar to “let’s have a child and things will get better,” many couples also believe that brining additional partners will improve the primary relationship. Current or unresolved relationship dysfunction will only get worse as the couple does not have the tools or ability to manage emotions experienced in an open relationship, and opening the relationship is an adjustment in itself. If a couple insists on opening the relationship despite an unstable foundation, I will facilitate discussion about my concerns and recommendations for waiting as well as discuss a plan to improve the relationship.

Once it is decided to move forward with opening the relationship, we begin to create a plan of rules or boundaries for the open relationship. This process typically takes more than one session and includes though is not limited to:

  1. Assignment for couple to create list of “wants and don’t wants” for the relationship. This can be done as homework, in office discussion, or both
  2. Addressing possible barriers or set backs such as finances, social media, family/friends, foreseeable life events, STIs, unplanned pregnancy, etc
  3. Creating a “fail safe” plan if either person begins to feel uncomfortable with current plan
  4. Providing additional resources such as books/articles/support groups/ local clubs
  5. Reviewing the plan on regular basis

For further discussion regarding opening relationships and how therapy can assist, take a listen to Episode 9 of the Let’s Talk Sex Podcast. Another useful and well-written article about the various forms of non-monogamy is Dr. Eli Sheff’s “Seven Forms of Non-Monogamy,” which can be found on Psychology Today. I often use this article with couples and individuals to begin discussion and understanding about open relationships.