Hashtag Living with a Sex Therapist: When BFF is Gone, the Toys will Play

Last week, BFF went out of town on one of his many excursions. IMG_5226I’ve stopped trying to keep up with him. While that cat was making calls to local contractors for quotes on kitty play room, I was checking out my newest product to test. (That’s right! A new review blog is coming soon!)

After the dining room experience, BFF sarcastically asked if I was going to have a sex toy party while he was gone.  Therefore, I only found it fitting to place the newest addition on the table with colorful “rope” (aka the cat’s leash) and snap a picture. I sent the picture to BFF with the statement, “When BFF isn’t home…”

His response, “Hell, that happens when I am home.”  Does he realize how envious many men would be of him right now?

Yes, the toy still sits on the end table…

Hashtag Living with a Sex Therapist to be continued…

 

Photo:  Tantus Echo

All About Orgasms and How to have One

Tips to Experience the Big O

As a therapist, I enjoy helping women explore their orgasm as I can relate to the experience! Honestly, I can’t remember my first big “O,” because my brain is getting old or I never knew the sensation was an orgasm! This is common for many women. Until women become mindful with their bodies, including understanding sensations felt with sexual stimulation, it may be difficult to achieve or even know when they’ve had an orgasm. Anatomically speaking, the clitoris has both external and internal parts. It’s really bigger than we think! Check out this article for more detail explaining the clitoris and its function with orgasm. The internal parts are close to our urethra. The resulting response to stimulation can cause women to feel reactions from other organs including the bladder and urethra. If your bladder is full or begins to fill with urine during sex, it may feel as if you need to urinate during climax or orgasm. This causes many women to cease the experience to prevent an embarrassing moment with her partner.

Get to Know Yourself

Start by exploring your body and erogenous (or pleasure) zones alone without any distractions. Having a partner around may create unintended anxiety that will prevent you from focusing on yourself and becoming mindful of your body. This can be done anytime. Does your bedroom after waking up sound inviting? Then do it! How about the tub after a long day at work? Go for it! Choose a time and place that feels comfortable for you.

Next, you can begin exploring different parts of your body and how your body responds. The body has a natural sexual response with involuntary movements including flushing of the skin, nipple erection, muscle tension, and curling of the toes. Some areas of your body may have a stronger response than others. There is no right or wrong when it comes to sexual stimulation and response. During this exercise, you can also use toys or other objects such as a vibrator, ice, feather, or anything that is safe and won’t cause harm. Does a feather over your thighs feel different than your hands or ice over your thighs? Mentally make note of your explorations and discoveries.

Now, let’s see what you feel stimulating the clitoris with mindfulness. When exploring your clitoris, also keep a mental note of where you experience sensation externally and internally in addition to the listed sexual responses above. You may feel internal sensations such as a tightening of your pelvic muscles or sensation (such as tingling) near your pubic bone or urethra. As stated above, it may feel like you are about to pee! At this point, trust yourself and your body! Keep going until you reach climax and orgasm. Feel free to check the sheets for a pee spot. Get down there, sniff it and touch it! Does it smell like urine? Honestly, it might or it might not. Some studies have shown that urine can be released with female “ejaculation” or “squirting” though it’s not all urine. Female ejaculation and squirting come from the urethra. Therefore, if there is urine in your urethra or bladder at the time of orgasm, some may come out though it is not fully concentrated urine.

Get Your Partner Involved

Once you are comfortable with yourself, try allowing yourself to experience the full sensation with a partner. First talk to your partner about your exploration so they know what to expect and can provide support. Also, talk to your partner about your thoughts and feelings of possibly urinating during sex or orgasm, and ask their thoughts about this too! You might be surprised to learn that this isn’t a big deal for them either.

Get Some Toys Involved

Toys can be an added benefit to sexual play whether with a partner or solo. If you’re looking to enhance your solo exploration or partner play, check out these suggested toys:

Lelo Ora 2 was created to stimulate tongue movements.

Magic Wand  was created to stimulate the clitoris without causing it become over stimulated.

Tantus’ Rumble will add additional stimulation and offers detachable heads for a variety of stimulation.

Introducing HRH Duchess of Tantus: A Tantus Review

duchess-launch-creative-carousel_7f2770b6-0846-4664-989e-768b740a70df

Now that you’re done reading about Alan and all his glory, let’s take a look at Duchess. When Tantus asked which toy I wanted to review next, I admit I had an “Oh look! Shiny object!” moment. Although Duchess isn’t shiny, she/he is very pretty coming in one of three colors: blue, purple, or pink.

Royalty Comes in Many Colorsduchess-group_shopify_1024x1024

I bet you missed the part about option of colors as you’re wondering about the “she/he” reference to a vibrating DILDO. Duchess’ description does not indicate gender pronoun preference. Some may automatically think that a phallic shaped object is automatically considered male. Some may think that an object named “Duchess” is automatically female. We may never know if Duchess identifies as male or female, though what I can tell you is Duchess isn’t for the faint of heart! From here on, Duchess will just be known as HRH.

For Royalty, Size Does Matter

Measuring at 6.5 inches long with a diameter shaft of 1.6”, Duchess gains a little girth fullsizerenderaround the head measuring in at 1.8”. If you’re looking for a snugger fit than Alan, the HRH is your toy. Duchess is part of the O2 Dual Density line though of the non-realistic colors hence the blue, purple, pink color options. Duchess is made of 100% silicone with a soft exterior and firm inner core (no little blue pill needed with this one!).

If you’re chomping at the bit to test HRH out, I do
recommend lube to assist with penetration and prevfullsizerender-1ent any tears or sores. (Check out AloeCadabra on th
e Let’s Talk Sex Shop page). Finally, as I advised ladies with Alan, Duchess is a goal toy once vaginal pain or vaginismus is resolved. If you’re looking for skinnier girth or shorter length, Duchess is not advisable either. No worries! It’s a tough job toy reviewing though I’m on a mission to find toys for everyone.

No Chambermaids Needed

Dtantus-bulletuchess also comes with a bullet vibe to add a little extra thrill. HRH is also suction cup compatible though this is not included as it is with Alan. If you’re looking to buy a suction cup, you can find those here. Duchess is also anal safe and harness compatible.  tantus-suction-cup

 

Too tired after play to properly clean your toys? In addition to toy cleaner, Duchess is also dishwasher and boiling compatible! Pop HRH in the dishwasher or boil in a pot of water for easy clean up. Please remember to remove Duchess from the boiling pot before hubby arrives home to prevent an unintended ER trip after he passes out…

 

Find the HRH and other great toys here!