How many times have you gone on a date thinking, “THIS will be it! This person sounds great!” Then, you leave the date wondering, “what the heck went wrong…AGAIN?’ and “Why is it so hard to find a match!?”
Did you use your five non-negotiables and your relationship bucket list for this potential match, OR did you choose someone who SEEMED a great fit for you?
A relationship bucket list is similar to a life bucket list, but for qualities and characteristics you want in your partner. Many times, one creates a list of “don’t want” characteristics versus “do want” characteristics. As a good friend so wisely stated, “How the hell do we know what we WANT if we’re only looking at what we DON’T WANT??”
How do you create a relationship bucket list? There are many ways, but this is what I recommend to clients:
First, create your list of characteristics you WANT in a partner. This may be hard at first as you are used to creating a DON’T want list. If you find yourself coming up with more “don’t want” characteristics, ask yourself “what is the opposite of that characteristic?” or “Instead of this quality, what quality do I want?” It becomes easier as your list gets longer!
Second, take a look at your list and make each characteristic more specific. If you said you want an “athletic partner,” does that you mean you want someone who goes to the gym after work? Someone who cycles? Someone who plays a specific sport? Someone who will enjoy the same athletic hobby as you, or someone with his/her own athletic interest, or both? It’s “ok” to be very specific if that’s what you WANT. It’s also “ok” to be broad on characteristics. If it helps, create a scale of importance (i.e. very important to not important at all) to help complete your list.
Finally, identify your “five non-negotiables.” I must give credit where credit is due; I’m borrowing this term from Patti Stanger, the Millionaire Matchmaker and host of the Bravo reality show by the same name. I thought it was great, and I use it with clients all the time. Your “five non-negotiables” are the five characteristics that you will not make ANY exceptions. Your “five non-negotiables” will decide whether you even go on date number one with a person. If a potential match does not meet even ONE of those five characteristics, politely decline a first date. Why waste your and the other person’s time if you know that one characteristic is a deal breaker?
The last part is FINDING your potential match! Where do you start? Take a look at your list! Based on your “relationship bucket list,” create a list of places in your area that you’ll most likely meet potential matches. If you want an athletic partner who enjoys swimming and hiking, go join a local swimming pool or join a hiking club! Looking for someone who enjoys craft beer and football? Check out local craft beer classes or find out where other sports fans watch the game.
Having trouble creating your list or finding matches? Give me a call and let’s figure out how to get you on the right track!